Interracial dating meeting family
(Insert image of me banging my head on a wall.) What makes this super-hard is the fact that you’re often related to the people in question.
You’re not exactly going to win points with family by calling grandpa a racist.
When John first told his parents about me, here’s what his father said: “You can be friends with foreign women but not date them.” Anxious doesn’t even start to describe the way I felt after John said this to me. My previous relationship with a Chinese guy ended in an ugly breakup simply because he could never take me home to meet the parents. Growing up in a very white, very middle class suburb of Midwestern America did nothing to prepare me for surviving meeting the parents in China.
He said his mom and dad would never accept having a foreign woman in the family. It’s the complete opposite from the casual way I used to shake hands and chat with a white guy’s mom and dad back in America, even on the first date!
Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.
Or maybe your partner has to go through almost a “coming out” process around dating someone white or outside of their culture.
How was I supposed to know that meeting the parents in China was as serious as an engagement announcement, a promise of wedding bells in the near future? I know you came here to steal from us,” said her grandpa, “I go to school…” I say, protesting.
For that matter, how could I have ever guessed on the many other cultural pitfalls on the pathway to becoming the foreign wife of a Chinese man? Still, John and I survived it, all because he insisted on staying by my side. “You’re Chinese, I know you are,” he says quietly, triumphantly, like he’s got me checkmated.
I’ve only ever experienced this with other expats – people totally mystified by how a white American woman would even think of dating Chinese men in China.That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.Love just happens between two people for good reasons.Why can’t the people we care about understand why we love someone as well?
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Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.