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I have found shelter in a tiny Mennonite church that values community, hospitality, and service.

Unlike some evangelical churches, I never feel pressured to talk about my “personal relationship with Jesus.” Although that relationship matters, the corporate body of Christ is bigger than me, and my participation in church has become more important than always knowing the right answers.

When he started questioning everything, I assumed that he would eventually come back around and find a nuanced faith that embraced mystery.

But instead, he declared himself “done” and stopped coming to church with me and my toddler.

For one, I know it would only alienate him further.

We were just a pair of idealistic 20-year-olds with a fiery passion for Jesus, Champion of the Poor, and felt confident we could follow God together. Our buttoned-down honor code told us right from wrong in such stark, legalistic terms that we didn’t know what to do when we discovered a world with jumbled variations of gray. I was listening to the final keynote speaker at a conference, so far back in the nosebleed seats that I had to squint to make out the tall, tattooed pastor standing on the stage. Those who aren’t sure, who can still be surprised.” I barely heard anything after that.I shifted in my seat, listless and ready to stretch, but before I could move, the pastor launched into a final benediction—a blessing-riff on the Beatitudes. My mind fixated on the phrase “blessed are the agnostics” because my husband doesn’t believe in God anymore, and there are moments when I don’t know what I believe, either.In my own faith, I still hold to most core tenets of orthodox Christianity (though I don’t believe that mental assent to a doctrinal checklist is what makes me a Christian).Despite my own uncertainties, I still show up to church with my two little children in tow.

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The struggles we now face as a mixed-faith couple are myriad.

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