Good things to ask online dating
Just today, I was on the phone with a client who was sharing the same experience with me: “ It wasn’t until she showed me one really GOOD email from a guy that she started to get it. But look at the emails you write back to the boring men.
He asked her a silly question and started grilling her with more and more trivia questions, teasing her about what she might win if she got all the questions right. “It made me funny in response to him,” she replied. They’re just as boring as the ones that you received.
See if you are guilty of doing any of the following. ” The crux of most email exchanges is taking something the other person did and saying, “Me, too”! ” Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? And studies show that confidence and humor are the two most desirable qualities in both men AND women.
Dear X (1) I just read your profile (2) and thought it was really great (3). Anyway, check out my profile (6) and see if you like what you read (7). There’s nothing wrong with a “Me, too” email, but how is someone supposed to respond? ” Establishing commonality is often a symbol of trying too hard to sell yourself. So instead of playing the blame game and pointing fingers at people who take a long time to email, or say nothing interesting, or write only one line, step up and try a little harder yourself.
I seem to run into this a lot and haven’t seen this addressed.
In my first email, I usually ask a few questions and figure the female will answer them, which they usually do, but then they don’t ask anything of me but still seem interested.
She played along and pushed right back and they’ve already got a first date lined up. “He was so lively and engaging that I sort of had no choice but to come back with something equally witty and creative.” “So by him writing something playful and interesting to you, he actually brought out a more playful and interesting side of you? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you took the time to write something interesting and creative back to these guys, you might discover that they actually have a personality?
I asked this client what made this email exchange different from the other exchanges. I mean, from the majority of your emails, you sound really boring, too.
Here is one short email that makes 11 mistakes in only a couple of lines. Could you imagine having such serious conversations with a stranger at a party? Would you like my phone number and to learn more about me? Now, consider that you’ve been saying that to hundreds of women online for years. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you need to differentiate yourself.If you’re going to write the same exact email as every single person on the dating site, you can’t be surprised when you get deleted quickly like junkmail. One is called Fun Fiction, in which you make up something silly based on a detail in the other person’s profile. You may think that this stuff doesn’t matter – that people only write back to the most attractive people no matter what.So if everything you’ve been doing in your emails is ineffective – if everything that comes naturally to you is too dull – what ARE you to do? The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a “me, too” fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? ), you offer your opinion – in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between.And yet this one guy with the trivia questions was able to bring out your playful side.” The moral of the story is that you are ALWAYS responsible for how you leave a conversation. By being optimistic, playful, interested and interesting, you can almost always transform any evening into a pleasant experience.The problem is that we don’t; we expect the other person to do the heavy lifting – to make the plans, to ask the silly questions, to raise the playing field.
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One thing you really don’t have is the luxury of time.